The Relaters Manual

Old School Coaching For The Modern Man

How To Regain The Art of Debate {VIDEO}

art of debate, relationship help, relationship advice, coach for men, male female dynamics

In this short segment from a podcast we look at how we can regain the art of debate.

How do we do that without criticism? Find out below….

We’ll discuss challenging ideas, critiquing them and the art of debate.

Here’s a fun (and ancient) list of 38 ways to being Right when you’ve thrown in the towel on the art of debate… he he.




In this day and age, we’ve lost the ability to have a real debate.

So, many of us don’t really know how to have a conversation where the people involved have differing opinions without descending into a full on argument.

I remember my mother used to love to go to bridge parties because she knew that there would be people there that had differing political viewpoints, they had traveled to places he hadn’t been, and there would be lively conversation and debate and lots of disagreement.

They would have fun, they’d have some wine, they’d have something to eat, and at the end of it, everyone would be friends and they would have learned a little bit more about life and each other, and we’re not doing that so much anymore.

So. that brings me to a topic I want to discuss on what it means to be challenging versus critical…


When dealing with someone who doesn’t have the same viewpoint as you, how can you discuss and raise points that may be challenging to their viewpoint without being overly critical?

You don’t want create a lot of resistance to a continued conversation, yet at the same time you want to delve into greater depth to understand somebody’s viewpoint.

So, what does that mean?


To challenge someone without prejudice or criticism… Well, you could start with the kinds of questions that you pose for them.

It’s probably not a great idea to lead with, Well, don’t you think this and don’t you think…

Why not ask for a specific example instead that would illustrate their unique perspective, and even if you don’t agree, let them make their point fully.

Take some mental notes and listen very carefully and then answer, maybe ask them a few more questions to clarify, but it’s important that we understand that others have the right to their viewpoint as do we…

That’s not really happening anymore.


People are getting terminated and deleted off of huge social media platforms just for having a certain point of view.

They just have a different viewpoint than the people running the platform, and many of the people using it, how are we supposed to learn anything? How can we grow and mature?

I know I’ve been shaped by other people’s viewpoints. It resonated, and I think more deeply about what they said. I’d think about it and if it made sense to me applied it to my own life and made it adjustments accordingly. Sometimes dramatically.

We shouldn’t be afraid of that. It shouldn’t even really be an emotional thing really.


Just purely philosophical… how else do human beings learn and pass on information if they don’t share ideas?

It seems simple, but we’ve lost that.

It’s hard for people to even listen for a few sentences from somebody who doesn’t feel the same way they do about a topic, about many topics. This isn’t just political.

And since when did it become okay to be the most emotional one in the room? And if you are then you get to be the one with the most power. That certainly is not how it worked for me growing up.

And I was very emotional. I was all over the place. I finally realized I needed to become compartmentalized. It was critical for me to find a way to put aside what I was feeling and deal with the task at hand without all the rage and turmoil or whatever I was dealing with rising to the surfaace.

As I get older, I appreciate self-restraint a lot more in myself and others.


And you might as well stay on the positive side, looking at things with a clearer lens. Whereby you say either, I don’t know, or maybe seeing the silver lining, so to speak.

Don’t be so quick to judge.

Learning the art of real debate, learning how to critique something in a way that is nuanced and can be appreciated and not in a way where something is rejected and beaten down.

There used to be debate clubs in high school. That was something that was highly attended by the schools. Students used to take a lot of pride in presenting an argument that was not easily debated against. There weren’t many holes in an argument.

That’s what was encouraged by the teachers because it forced the students to think about their viewpoint from every different angle. If they knew it was going to be challenged, they had to think it through to the end before they spoke.

I don’t see a lot of that going on anymore.


A lot of comments on social media are more like statements that the user seems to assume will be filled in behind the people reading…

I see it over and over now, people of all ages seem to be trained now to think in a way that’s only partially thought through. Look at the news, look at our media, look at most of the media out there that is opinion-based.

So much of what is being shared is only partially presented, usually with a very thin argument as to why the person with the opinion feels that way.

We need more depth.

And we don’t even seem to know how to do that. And maybe it’s time that we did.

So maybe the best way to understand and to develop skills where you can challenge someone in their ideas instead of committing crosses purely critical and just merely arguing is by challenging ourselves.

What do you really think? Why do you think it…

Take anything. Take anything that you feel strongly about. Why do you feel so strongly about it? Ask yourself that.

How did it develop to that point?


I’m willing to bet that media played a large role in it. And if not, why not?

Was it your direct experience with somebody or something, were you in a situation where you experienced something that was unpleasant. Or you responded in a negative fashion and then came away with a negative view point.

Just because a situation was negative doesn’t mean it was necessarily bad. Sometimes you can grow from it. Other times you just need to change your perception about it. Then you realize it wasn’t that bad at all. That you were just maybe young and naive or uninformed,. Or it was just purely a judgment that had nothing to do with the situation…

These are important things to learn and understand about ourselves so that we can mature and evolve because we’re descending pretty quickly.

As of this recording, it’s April of 2021. We need to get it together fast! We’ve let younger generations growing up, that have absolutely no idea how to be human.


Thank you for listening and/or reading have a very sensual day. Dyann xoxo 


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Start your coaching journey and become the man, the leader and hero she’s needs.

Specialist in Male/Female Dynamics and Coach for Men

Dyann Bridges:

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