The Relaters Manual

Old School Coaching For The Modern Man

Gender Polarity – What Is It? Why Is It SO Important? And… How To Get More Of It

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Today, I’m going to talk about the definition of gender polarity and why you’d want more of it.

Simply…  Sexual polarity   is the concept of dualism between the masculine and feminine energies.
This is the real meaning between the attraction between men and women.
Gender polarity’ has roots in linguistics. Not biology. See below.
***Interestingly, gender polarity is when a word takes the opposite grammatical gender than expected***
<— this is the original meaning of ‘gender polarity’

Specifically in relating, this mean the masculine and feminine energies.

Human beings have had a deep understanding of male and female energies for millennia.

In Eastern philosophies the female energy is known as the Yin and the male energy is known as the Yang.

The yin and yang are represented by the following symbol…

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Since polarity (of any kind) is about two objects which are magnetically attracted to each other we can and should recognize the differences.

As indicated by the picture above there are general qualities of the masculine/feminine polarities.

We see these characteristics emerge (in general) everyday in men and women everywhere.

It’s precisely these differences that keep the spark alive in a relationship and make it even hotter.

The Biggest Problem With Gender (Sexual) Polarity

The biggest problem with the understanding of gender polarity is that it’s become flattened. Decimated and crushed.

Many societies around the world have decided that being a distinctly masculine man or feminine woman is a problem.

They’ve made the catastrophic mistake of thinking gender equality means gender sameness. Ugh.

Equality in relationships is fantastic and necessary when it comes to earning and spending money and making life decisions together.

Talking about financial issues, politics, health or children issues candidly and calmly is how two adults in an intimate relationship, demonstrate respect for each other and themselves.

However, to keep things spicy in the bedroom you’ve got to cultivate the gender polarities.

A lack of gender polarity is the kiss of death to romance and sexuality. You become little more than friends without it.

So, if you want to make your relationship more sensual, INCREASE the polarities.

As a man, the first thing to do to create more polarity is to exert your masculinity.

Which DOESN’T mean getting aggressive.

You want your lady to respect you MORE. Especially, if she is a strong dynamic woman.

So in a nutshell and a short list, here are some things to concentrate on when bringing your full masculine self to the table with your lady:

  • set boundaries – this could be read as standards as well
  • provide a sense of security
  • offer a sense of stability (emotional, financial, physical etc.)
  • be protective of her and the things that are important to you
  • take ownership of yourself as a man
  • be strong physically and mentally
  • be calm in mind and body

When you concentrate on cultivating these qualities watch how your lady begins to respond to you.

As the man, you’re leading the relationship. If you don’t lead, she won’t follow.

The man provides the vision, strategy and plan for your relationship. She brings the fun, energy and vitality.

A strong feminine woman will surrender to the strength and leadership of her man.

So take charge… without being a jerk of course.

You want her to trust you. So calm authority will win the day.

You’re Steering The Relating-Ship. Make It A Trip You Want To Take

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Your marriage/relationship is a little like a roller coaster.

You’re strapped in until the ride stops.

What are you going to do to make it the best ride of your life?

Another thing that you can do to increase the gender polarity between you is to appreciate, and approve of her and her uniquely feminine ways.

Mention how much you appreciate her point of view on things.

How she walks across a room when she thinks she’s not being watched.

The way her hair looks in the sun. How she laughs.

Acknowledge how much her special brand of femininity means to you.

It’ll goes miles to creating fiery passion between you.

Give her your approval willingly and often.

Make her feel like she’s cared for by you.

When you have enough confidence in yourself as a man to NOT need her approval, but instead reward and appreciate her, she will begin to respect you more.

I promise this is how it goes!

If you’ve been neglectful in sharing your appreciation with her in the past, you may need to stay diligent.

She may not trust you to really be that supportive.

However, with consistency she’ll start to understand your masculinity has risen (so to speak), and she’ll start to feel more feminine in response. At the point, she’ll want to yield to you more.


**If you’re having trouble becoming stronger and more confident as a man and you’re worried you may not be able to save your marriage… give Dyann a call. Her relationship tips and communication insights can help you identify and SOLVE the problems in your long term relationship… fast.**

**Send Dyann an email to discuss your situation**


Appropriate dominance is what you want to aim for.

For example, unilateral decision-making don’t take into account her needs and views.

You won’t score points that way.

You won’t be gaining her trust.

It’s your inner strength and knowing that you’re taking ownership of your relationship that allows her to let go into the feminine.

That’s when she softens for you

If she’s masculine at work, she wants to come home and feel your masculinity.

She wants you to take care of things so she can relax, be in her feminine, and feel good that you’ve handled things.

It sounds like a lot, but she’ll give you a lot in return when you make her feel like she can soften and relax.

You’ll be able to receive all the nurturance, affection, respect and sensuality you crave from her when you take charge and allow her to relax into your strength.
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This works best when you have a deep emotional connection with your lady.

The best way of doing this is always telling the truth to each other. Gently. Of course.

Can you be honest with her? Are you able to be vulnerable with your lady?

Can you share your deepest fears and regrets with your lady?

Can you do all this emotionally vulnerable stuff while still feeling inner confidence?

Why do all this? Because you’ll need to handle your emotions deftly to still have the authority and leadership quality in your relationship.

Are you able to allow her to talk about her emotions in a way that lets her fully vent her fears, angers and frustrations?

Let her get those things out.  Just don’t let it get nasty.

Remember… you can’t “fix” her emotions.

Giving her space as you stay grounded, calm and solid will get you through this.

Being present in the moment with her will allow the gust of angry emotion to rustle your leaves, but leave you both intact afterward.

In the end, you want to become the man she respects wholeheartedly.

When that happens you’ll become the man she desires, appreciates and treats like a king.


You may also be interested in:

Know Your Relationship Values to Know If Your Relationship Will Survive

How To Voice Your Boundaries Without Criticism

The Importance of Your INNER Environment

The Importance of Emotional Sobriety

A Healthy Nervous System is Critical For a Great Relationship


Start your coaching journey and become the man, the leader and hero she’s needs.

Specialist in Male/Female Dynamics and Coach for Men

Dyann Bridges: coachingbridges@gmail.com

Check out more from The Relaters Manual…

Is She Cheating?

Be Her Hero

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