Do you know what your Relationship Values are?
If not, you could be headed down a road of misery.
In this article, I’ll discuss why it’s SO important that you know what your relationship values are….
AND how to get and keep things on track in your marriage or long term relationship.
Let’s jump in….
Both of you have chosen to be in the relationship together.
You’ve both chosen it for different reasons.
And there’s the rub!
Differences are part of any relationship. How can you tell if a difference is a deal breaker or whether it’s something you can learn to live with?
It all boils down to VALUES.
Many men enter a relationship to have a companion, sexual partner, passion, family, and/or someone to care for them and keep happy in return.
A woman often looks for love, affection, security and safety—the safety to raise children, to be cared for, and to yield to the masculine force her husband is (and should be) in her life.
It’s important to get into a habit of talking things out in a relationship.
It’s critical because if you can understand where she’s coming from and why she’s in this relationship with you, it creates chemistry or what is often called sexual (gender) polarity.
It sounds a bit confusing, but women are endlessly mysterious to men anyway. It’s part of why you find us attractive in the first place.
Understand, that if she can trust you with being her full, true self, which includes her emotions, thought processes and body, then she’ll respond by appreciating and respecting you to the utmost.
So, how do you really discover each other’s relationship values and know whether or not they match?
A big part of this is going to be what the both of you need as a man and as a woman, as well as, what you need from the other as individuals.
For example, most women who marry or stay in long term relationships do so with a man who is confident and has a good measure of personal authority.
They stay relaxed most of the time and let things roll. They’re playful. They are commanding without being rigid.
Men on the other hand, tend to stay with women who don’t create endless drama. A woman who knows how to state her boundaries without cutting him down.
The kind of woman who will challenge him, yet leave his sense of self intact.
Of course, a man wants a woman he finds very attractive and who enjoys having sex with him. He wants her playful and respectful too.
These are givens based on the sexual difference between men and women. It’s nearly universal.
As individuals you’ll need to determine what your values are on a personal level too, such as children and the standard of living you’re willing to live with.
Here is a short list of personal values that you want to be clear on moving forward in your relationship or marriage:
- Fitness goals – are you ok with your spouse/partner not being as fit as you? Do you need to be physically active together? What do you want your fitness levels and activities to look like?
- What are you working at for money? Is it enough to meet your living standards? How do you want your partner to contribute to that? Do you need to very happy at work or can you compromise to receive the kind of paycheck you want instead?
- How much time do you want to spend alone or with friends and family – with or without – your partner? This can cause a problem when one person needs a lot more time alone or who needs to spend a lot of time with their family and friends.
- What types of activities do you feel should be done as a couple?
- Do you both want children? Do you have the same parenting values for your kids?
*Values are those things that will always bother you if they are consistently not met.*
Preferences are things you can tolerate. Values should never be compromised… not in a long term relationship they shouldn’t be.
Those suggestions in the list really are deal breakers. Relationships and marriages have crumbled for much less.
So, in the end, knowing your Relationship Values will help you get clear on what you need to do to sustain a happy and healthy marriage and long term relationship.
You may also be interested in:
Start your coaching journey and become the man, the leader and hero she’s needs.
Specialist in Male/Female Dynamics and Coach for Men
Dyann Bridges: firstname.lastname@example.org
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