The Relaters Manual

Old School Coaching For The Modern Man

Actor Tricks For Connection When You’re Nervous Meeting Someone

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This podcast segment, discusses proven actor tricks that you can use today to connect with others in an authentic way…. even if you’re extremely shy and nervous.

Actors use these tricks all the time with casting directors and in any situation where they feel insecure and under pressure meeting people.

So take a cue from Hollywood and connect with others quickly and easily.

Click the link below if the above doesn’t play…




Alright, here’s a little trick I wanted to share. For people who feel a little bit awkward in social gatherings, we’re kind of losing the art of being able to connect, but I do understand it, I’m pretty shy myself, but here’s an actor trick that I learned that you can use anywhere.

It was developed to help actors in the casting director’s office feel comfortable and connect with the casting director, however, you can do this with anybody anywhere.

So I’m going to read a passage from a book called The actor takes a meeting by author Stephen book, that’s his name Stephen Book.

So in it, he says, What an actor wants to do is create an experience with a casting director. That way they will remember them, and so here’s part of that passage. What does it take for a casting director to remember you and put you in a permanent file?

The actor who comes in for an interview and creates an experience with a casting director is the one who will be remembered. The casting director will like you and want to see you again, but you must take responsibility to ensure that both of you have a good time.

Okay, so what is an experience?


And then he goes on to, write; ‘An experience is the effect people have on one another when they come together as equals with…

And authenticity and experience requires both self-respect and respect for the other by-products of an experience.

Frequently include humor or laughter, and the mutual exploration of thoughts and feelings and experience between an interviewer and an actor happens in the present moment.

So I thought this is a pretty good advice.

It also homes in the present moment between any two individuals, no matter who they are.

Now, how do you do that when everybody is strangers, when you go to a party or the office or a club, and you don’t know anyone? They’re all strangers.

Well, let’s take a few more notes from Stephen books book, the actor takes a meeting. So in the section that says Building an experience, he suggests that during the meeting, adopt the attitude that you don’t want anything from the interviewer, it follows that you don’t want anything…

So you don’t have to sell anything. I think that’s a pretty good advice, You don’t want anything from anybody. So you’re just having a chat.

If someone takes the pressure off, next, he says. When your meeting starts, as soon as you say hello, tell a truth about what you see or hear in the office, now, this actually is a great technique, you literally make a very obvious statement.

Don’t make a comment about it. You don’t ask a question.

You just say, Oh wow, there’s a big black couch, or there’s an abstract painting. That’s it, just make a statement.

And then see what they say. 99% of the time, someone will engage you on that, and they might tell you where they got the painting from or how they came across the big block Couch or whatever.

And it really does work.

I actually have an article on my website about this very technique, and I’ve certainly used it many times with success, and I know that my clients have come in and have used it on me and it does work, so…

It’s a nice ice breaker.

Next, he says, When the initial conversation, which flows from your first truth line starts to fade, tell another truth, so we’ll make another statement of truth. What else do you notice? And just point it out.

See what happens. And then after the conversation starts rolling, he suggests to do reflection listening, which basically means watch the person’s lips as they talk, not their eyes, it helps you take in the conversation more deeply, which allows you to respond more naturally in the moment.

Then he says, at any time during the conversation, you can give it an energy boost by saying Yes, and which basically means you’re green and you’re adding something to whatever they just said, and it is fun.

That’s a good one to use. Two, yes.

And then this may be the most important part of all. When you feel you’ve made an impact and the conversation dominion a high note, and if you’re in an interview situation. Whether you’re an actor and a casting director or any type of interview, it makes you look like you’re in charge. Which you should feel like you are and you’re responsibly for yourself in your life. Then that’s exactly the way it is. You’re in charge of you.

So there are a few techniques that you can use to break the ice and connect with somebody.

Thank you for reading & watching ‘Actor Tricks For Connection’ and have a sensual day, Dyann xoxo


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