I had a client in his late twenties. He’d been coming to see me for about 4 years. Each time he came by for an appointment he would talk about his latest romantic interests.
This particular time he mentioned he had started a new job. It was in his field of interest, he enjoyed the job and the other employees. Great news!
Then he told me about one of his co-workers who he found attractive. She apparently found him attractive too. Perhaps a little too attractive.
He mentioned how she would make positive comments about his work. She’d give him personal compliments too. He liked it. She made him feel good.
They started meeting for lunch almost daily. She noticed what his favorite foods were. She began leaving notes for him to find later. He started to feel obligated to her, yet they weren’t in a relationship and he’s wasn’t sure he wanted one.
He’d been on the job 2 weeks.
Romantic Press
Listening to his recounting of this full court romantic press, I said it sounded like she was “marking her territory” – around him. Allow me to explain.
I like to say men and women are equal, but not the same.
So when I responded to the description of my client’s co-worker’s behavior, I made the comparison between how a man marks his territory romantically and how a woman does.
Sometimes, when a man decides he wants a woman, he will begin asserting himself in her life. He may mean well, but can be intrusive.
For example, he may give her advice in an area of her life that he has expertise in, but she hasn’t asked for. He may start bringing her practical things like tools or just go to work fixing something for her on his own without her requesting it.
Marking Territory
In short, when a man “marks his territory” with a woman he will try to take charge and contribute in her life by doing things that demonstrate his capabilities.
He wants her to be impressed with his accomplishments, the work he does and how well he can be a leader, protector and provider for her.
A similar phenomenon happens with women.
Often times, when women are interested in men, they will show it by demonstrating how well they’ll support and nurture him.
When this maternalistic behavior becomes intense it shows how she “marks her territory” around him. When I mentioned this to my young client he understood it.
In fact, my client mentioned his mother took great pride in how she nurtured him and his siblings.
He said, his mother would worry herself into a frenzy when nothing was wrong.
It happened often and it felt overbearing.
Over-Nurturing
This female co-worker’s behavior reminded my client of his mother’s behavior at times.
His instincts told him to be wary. His inner voice said to be careful. Her positive attention could turn aggressive… fast.
His instincts were right.
Remember, my young client had only been on this job 2 weeks. In my experience, anyone who comes on too strong, too soon, tends to feel needy and a bit desperate. No judgement. We’ve all been there, even if briefly.
However, often when women feel vulnerable, rejection will push them in one of two ways; they will either steer clear to spare themselves more grief or they will feel compelled to get revenge.
So, beware of too much support and too much nurturance, TOO SOON.
It may come with a price tag.
Men and women mark their territory differently, but with no less passion. Like many human emotions, passion is either a weapon or an afflatus.
Wield your passion wisely.
Thank you for reading.
Have a sensual day, Dyann xoxo
